Truth. Truth is in the eye (or brain) of the beholder. One person’s truth is not another’s truth. And, just because it’s true for you does not make it true for me. Can you really know truth for yourself, let alone another?

Helpful. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” How many times has friendly, “helpful” advice been misinterpreted and twisted into tangled, hurt feelings? Even suggestions given with an open, loving heart can be misconstrued. “Helpful” is also in the mind of the beholder. Just because it’s helpful to YOU, does not mean it’s helpful to ME.

Inspiring. If you want to inspire me, keep your words to yourself and SHOW me. Lead by example and I’ll naturally be inspired. Who are you and where are you going?

Necessary. Who determines that? Who are you to question my path, my purpose, my motives or my actions? Sure, if I’m walking too closely to the ledge and I’m in eminent danger, I might need a course correction. But who’s to say a fall (or a leap) from that ledge is not the best action for me?

Kind. “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” Words of wisdom by parents, teachers, educators, and philosophers alike, all extolling the virtues of saying nice things to each other. THIS one I believe in and this one I practice. And practice is truly the word, because this is hard to do. Unkind words, mean-spirited and abusive, don’t just hurt the person they’re directed toward, but the person saying them as well. We’re all familiar with the “I’m rubber and you’re glue” defense when someone says something that hurts.

When someone says something unkind to you, however, it’s because they think they’re speaking the TRUTH. They think they’re being HELPFUL—and INSPIRING. And, they probably think the words are NECESSARY—for your own good.

But what you really have—when you THINK before you speak—is a whole lot of judgment being wrapped up in a KIND words burrito. It doesn’t matter what kind of flavorful, colorful wrapper you’re serving up or what kind of watered-down words you’re using, judgment still comes through—and that’s what truly hurts.

Perhaps we should go one step further: If you can’t THINK of anything nice, then don’t think anything at all.  

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

These words, uttered by the Master of Madness, Robin Williams, who’s channeled his spark into a brilliant acting career and charitable life. Remember when he burst on the scene in ‘Mork and Mindy’? Doctors today would label him ADHD, drug him, and ultimately mug him of his Divine Inspiration—the brilliance of the madness of the voices in his head.

I’ve been going a bit “mad” these days.  Say it with an English accent and the phrase is fodder for a sit-com.  (Ooooo, a sit-com…) See, there goes that voice again! I’m getting ideas most people, including me, would call crazy! My astrologer, Phyllis Firak-Mitz, might attribute it to the SuperMoon and Mercury coming out of retrograde.

I can only attribute it to one thing: there is a character inside me just needing to bust loose. I hope it’s less like a scene from Aliens and more like when Counselor Deanna Troi gave birth to a splendid baby boy with no pain. I’m referring to an episode of Star Trek, The Next Gen, of course…and of my mad idea to write a romance novel that turns into a movie, and a sit-com!

Your Divine Spark is itching to bust through, too!! Don’t deny it.  There’s something you’ve thought about, something you’ve wanted to do, some place you’ve wanted to explore—even if you’re spelunking into your computer to unlock the secrets of the internet. Something is calling out to you now. What is it?

If you succumb to your own “spark of madness,” that voice in your head, who would you be? What would you do? Na-noo, Na-noo. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself, Mork and Mindy fans.)

     Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, The Happiness Project, wonders “should you ever let the sun go down on an argument” and decides Yes!

     Arguments are anger expressed–think the earthquake scale, 1-10. I’ve never been much for arguing and I haven’t allowed myself to explore the hollowing and healing powers of anger. It’s been a “negative” emotion to work through quickly on the road to feeling positive and “happy.”  And I’m afraid I’ve been judging others using anger as a way to resolve their internal dialogs. I now understand. Anger etches it’s own pattern in the sands of our brains; and thoughts and beliefs we know to be true simply wash from beneath us like sand moving out with the tide. The shift in energy–and footing–makes for a powerful conviction of step. Anger makes you stop, take notice and declare an allegiance to yourself.

     Anger is good. Anger makes you strong, sharp and clear. Anger chisels away what doesn’t serve you; sculpts, molds and defines what thoughts now do. Anger is a motivator, a driver, an insistent, sometimes prickly nudge in a new direction. It turns upside down energy on end and demands you step in the opposite direction. Anger is GOOD on so many levels.

     And then, once you’ve polished and honed your beliefs and you’re rock solid again in who you are, anger is a needy emotion that can hang on too long. It’ll cling to you like cellophane so gently squeeze out or shimmy out, unroll out, or slice that wrapper open knees to nose;  but wiggle free and step aside. No need to express anger, you’ve left it, allowed it to be, walked away from it.

     Let the sun go down on it. Thank you Gretchen Rubin for the spin. Oh, and Sir Elton John as well. 

2. Do let the sun go down on anger.

I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.