Truth. Truth is in the eye (or brain) of the beholder. One person’s truth is not another’s truth. And, just because it’s true for you does not make it true for me. Can you really know truth for yourself, let alone another?

Helpful. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” How many times has friendly, “helpful” advice been misinterpreted and twisted into tangled, hurt feelings? Even suggestions given with an open, loving heart can be misconstrued. “Helpful” is also in the mind of the beholder. Just because it’s helpful to YOU, does not mean it’s helpful to ME.

Inspiring. If you want to inspire me, keep your words to yourself and SHOW me. Lead by example and I’ll naturally be inspired. Who are you and where are you going?

Necessary. Who determines that? Who are you to question my path, my purpose, my motives or my actions? Sure, if I’m walking too closely to the ledge and I’m in eminent danger, I might need a course correction. But who’s to say a fall (or a leap) from that ledge is not the best action for me?

Kind. “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” Words of wisdom by parents, teachers, educators, and philosophers alike, all extolling the virtues of saying nice things to each other. THIS one I believe in and this one I practice. And practice is truly the word, because this is hard to do. Unkind words, mean-spirited and abusive, don’t just hurt the person they’re directed toward, but the person saying them as well. We’re all familiar with the “I’m rubber and you’re glue” defense when someone says something that hurts.

When someone says something unkind to you, however, it’s because they think they’re speaking the TRUTH. They think they’re being HELPFUL—and INSPIRING. And, they probably think the words are NECESSARY—for your own good.

But what you really have—when you THINK before you speak—is a whole lot of judgment being wrapped up in a KIND words burrito. It doesn’t matter what kind of flavorful, colorful wrapper you’re serving up or what kind of watered-down words you’re using, judgment still comes through—and that’s what truly hurts.

Perhaps we should go one step further: If you can’t THINK of anything nice, then don’t think anything at all.  

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

These words, uttered by the Master of Madness, Robin Williams, who’s channeled his spark into a brilliant acting career and charitable life. Remember when he burst on the scene in ‘Mork and Mindy’? Doctors today would label him ADHD, drug him, and ultimately mug him of his Divine Inspiration—the brilliance of the madness of the voices in his head.

I’ve been going a bit “mad” these days.  Say it with an English accent and the phrase is fodder for a sit-com.  (Ooooo, a sit-com…) See, there goes that voice again! I’m getting ideas most people, including me, would call crazy! My astrologer, Phyllis Firak-Mitz, might attribute it to the SuperMoon and Mercury coming out of retrograde.

I can only attribute it to one thing: there is a character inside me just needing to bust loose. I hope it’s less like a scene from Aliens and more like when Counselor Deanna Troi gave birth to a splendid baby boy with no pain. I’m referring to an episode of Star Trek, The Next Gen, of course…and of my mad idea to write a romance novel that turns into a movie, and a sit-com!

Your Divine Spark is itching to bust through, too!! Don’t deny it.  There’s something you’ve thought about, something you’ve wanted to do, some place you’ve wanted to explore—even if you’re spelunking into your computer to unlock the secrets of the internet. Something is calling out to you now. What is it?

If you succumb to your own “spark of madness,” that voice in your head, who would you be? What would you do? Na-noo, Na-noo. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself, Mork and Mindy fans.)

     Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, The Happiness Project, wonders “should you ever let the sun go down on an argument” and decides Yes!

     Arguments are anger expressed–think the earthquake scale, 1-10. I’ve never been much for arguing and I haven’t allowed myself to explore the hollowing and healing powers of anger. It’s been a “negative” emotion to work through quickly on the road to feeling positive and “happy.”  And I’m afraid I’ve been judging others using anger as a way to resolve their internal dialogs. I now understand. Anger etches it’s own pattern in the sands of our brains; and thoughts and beliefs we know to be true simply wash from beneath us like sand moving out with the tide. The shift in energy–and footing–makes for a powerful conviction of step. Anger makes you stop, take notice and declare an allegiance to yourself.

     Anger is good. Anger makes you strong, sharp and clear. Anger chisels away what doesn’t serve you; sculpts, molds and defines what thoughts now do. Anger is a motivator, a driver, an insistent, sometimes prickly nudge in a new direction. It turns upside down energy on end and demands you step in the opposite direction. Anger is GOOD on so many levels.

     And then, once you’ve polished and honed your beliefs and you’re rock solid again in who you are, anger is a needy emotion that can hang on too long. It’ll cling to you like cellophane so gently squeeze out or shimmy out, unroll out, or slice that wrapper open knees to nose;  but wiggle free and step aside. No need to express anger, you’ve left it, allowed it to be, walked away from it.

     Let the sun go down on it. Thank you Gretchen Rubin for the spin. Oh, and Sir Elton John as well. 

2. Do let the sun go down on anger.

I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.

     I’d been crying since I woke-up. I didn’t remember any sad dreams in particular, and yes, I was still dealing with the emotional fall-out of a four and a half year relationship that’d just ended, but to wake-up in such distress didn’t bode well for the day. Not to mention, it was 4:14 am. There was a lot of day left!

     Of course I was still sad about the break-up, but the feeling was beyond that. We had broken-up together weeks ago, both acknowledging time on our own, in our own skins, would be good. The transition was tough, and we missed each other terribly so we got together to talk…and somehow ended up further apart. And that’s where we are today, further apart, hence the tears.

     But this is bigger than sad; this is true emotional distress. My heart is demanding to be heard, “Red alert! There is something more you need to know, acknowledge, and understand. Red alert! Pay attention; tune in. Red alert! Honor this feeling, figure out the erroneous thought, and the sadness will go away. Red alert! There’s more to this feeling than you’re acknowledging.”

     Karla McLaren’s book, Emotional Genius, talks about the healing properties of all emotions—even the “bad” ones. (Ain’t no such thing as a bad emotion, is McLaren’s take.) Anger, sadness, depression, jealousy, hate, rage…all have a story to tell. ALL are expressions of thought. Change the thought and you can change the emotion. Make peace with it and you make peace with yourself.

     The two empowering thoughts that sadness brings attention to are: what must be let go of? And, what must change? Obviously WE are the thing that needs to be let go of. That was evident when we met—and that’s good. There’s no going back.

     But we didn’t part well. I was hurt, angry, feeling shutdown and misled. I’ve since gotten over those feelings, but something else has me twisted up tight. I want things to be okay between us. And they’re not. Not for me anyway. Something needs to change; someone needs to change, and that someone’s me.

     On some level I’m still holding on. Not to us, or even him, but more the thought that we can part amicably. I’m friends with all my Exes (mostly); he and I are suppose to be good friends. Before we got “involved” we promised. After all we’ve shared…

     And maybe THAT’s the thought that needs to change. If I simply accept that not all relationships end with friendships, that he doesn’t want to be my friend, or can’t be my friend, this sense of distress will go away.

     Or maybe this is my heart redefining friendship, “Red alert, you can still be his friend, even if it’s only in your own head. And, of course, your own heart.”

   Ever notice how some people get all worked up over a little travel? Mention “airport” to a friend of mine and she immediately breaks into a sweat. She hates navigating the check-in and security lines. Abhors having to wade through all the people. She’s so intent on getting from Point A to Point B that she misses the sites entirely—including the beautiful artwork and cultural displays that many airports have provided for the entertainment and engagement of passers-by.  

   I’m the opposite. I love a road-trip. If that trip includes planes, trains, and automobiles, so much the better. The trick to traveling light and carelessly (without a care) is to: 1) take your heart with you, and 2) leave your cares at home.

Take Your Heart

   The people you hold dear need to come with you—metaphorically of course (unless you’re lucky enough to have them as your traveling companions). Your partner, your kids, your best friends, your parents… Figure out a way to connect with them while you’re gone. Texting is a great substitute for a live phone conversation—and often it’s easier than trying to hear in a crowd. Even beyond that, talk with them in your head. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Set the point in time when you’ll know you’ll see them again and then vow to enjoy every minute of your adventure until time leads you there. If you keep them fully in your heart and take them with you, you won’t have a driving need to get home. “Home” is with you.

Leave your Cares at Home

   It’s amazing what a week away will cure. If it’s a big enough concern, it’ll be waiting for you when you get back, but sometimes “time” works a problem through without you having to do a thing. Being on-the-road is relief from the everyday mundane routine that keeps some people engrossed in their problems and stuck in old thinking. They’re in-a-rut. Travel helps to open up new perspectives. New scenery, unfamiliar streets, unknown restaurants, different faces and places. You just might have a different perspective upon re-entry. What was important before might be insignificant upon your return.

   Let go of any preconceived notions on how your trip will go. It’s a stellar day when the weather is fine, the flight is on time, and your rental car has cruise control. But when the challenges set in—delayed flights, turbulent skies, lost reservations, no gps, embrace it and move forward. Your only need is to relax, enjoy the moment, and let your thoughts unravel.

The World Is Grey

   A poem by Justin Brauer

The words that spilled out of her mouth were colorful, beautiful, inspiring. As they spill from her soft lips they pass through the microphone, out of the speakers and splash out upon the crowd as these colorful words hit the ears of eager listeners. The words pass in one ear as colorful as the next, but as they pass through they come out dull and just words, like the world.

Inside the heads of the eager listeners are seas of color, individuality, creation, creativity. The sea of colors become so large and abrupt that every color leaks out from their eyes, seeping in every combination of colors possible showing the crowds’ true colors. Showing how words can change a person, a crowd, a nation.

The nation explodes of color from one girl’s soft, beautiful, colorful words. Igniting a revolution of color, an eruption of every color possible from every one spilling color back to the dull colorless world.

Each of the communication style acts differently when confronted with “The Rule Book.”

Boxes appreciate The Rule Book; require, and take refuge in abiding by the guidelines. They can quote The Rule Book to you:  “According to section 4.65 of The Rule Book, all employees are required to wear a suit and tie on Wednesdays and days ending with the number  5.”

Circles appreciate The Rule Book as well but are more apt to look items up with you—as not to embarrass you with your lack of knowledge. Circles also want to defer to The Rule Book so they don’t seem adversarial: “Well, let’s get out The Rule Book and check on that dress-code rule. It says right here in Chapter 4 that employees are required to wear a suit and tie on Wednesdays and days ending with the number 5. You do what you want but I think we should all follow the guidelines.”

Triangles think The Rule Book applies to others, but not themselves. To Triangles: “Rules were meant to be BROKEN.”

Squiggles, ever making up their own rules as they go-along, are absolutely astounded at the mere mention of The Rule Book: “There’s a Rule Book? No one told me there was a Rule Book. When did we get a Rule Book?”

How do you tell the Communication Style of the person you’re chatting with? Listen to the verbal clues:

Boxes say, “I think.”

Circles say, “I feel.”

Squiggles say, “I believe.”

Triangles say, “I know.”

Box: “Email me”

Circle: “Facebook me”

Triangle: “Leave me a message”

Squiggle: “I’ll call you!”

Differences in communications style are more pronounced in Space—cyberspace, that it. Just as all four shapes interact differently in face-to-face and group interaction, they also relate differently with today’s technology tools and social networks. Think mobile phones, Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter.

The Boxes (squares) prefer writing—they can take their time, elaborate, get the facts right—and have proof! Email is best (with electronic back-up, of course) but if forced, they’ll tolerate (at first) then exploit the Let’s-get-down-to-business, No-hankies-needed approach. Case and point—“Email me.”

Circles are all about Facebook; they share everything—where they went for lunch, the dog’s trip to the vet, Susie got her nose pierced. They post often and comment on others’ post frequently, always offering encouragement. THUMBS UP! They take time to send personal messages…in between working 8 hours at the office, volunteering for School Board, and hauling the kids to soccer practice, band rehearsal, and chess club. They’re often on the go but will take time to write you—on Facebook!

Triangles—always 4 or 5 steps ahead of themselves—prefer the phone. Might as well have that Blue Tooth surgically installed. They’re driven by getting things done—that means getting it off their “to do” list and on to yours. They prefer to talk to your answering machine (they don’t talk back or ask all those pesky questions). And they prefer you leave a message for them. While leading the pack they like to screen their calls and return them on their terms. If they use social media, it’s probably Linkedin. All business; all bottom-line. You know you’re talking to a Triangle when you’re asked to leave a message.

Squiggles—the consummate shifters, morphers, and chameleons of the Shapes is comfortable using any of the communication tools. Left to their own devices, they’ll use all of them but for different purposes and with different people. Tammy’s a Circle—I’ll chat with her on Facebook. Susie’s a Box—I’ll email her. Linda’s a Triangle, I’ll just give her a call. But if the Squiggle is off on one of their interplanetary adventures, they’ll contact you! “When”…is the question.

More on Shapes in Space soon…

Surprise! It’s a party!…

      It’s a typical Wednesday morning work day. You’ve been at your 8:00-4:00 job for the last six months but today is different—a company picnic you knew nothing about! You’re getting a three-hour lunch break that includes a short presentation by the CEO and staff, and a catered B-B-Q.

 Here’s what happens:

      The Boxes begrudgingly show up…then disappear. They slip slowly into the background, sit in the back row, avoid chatting with others. The b-b-q buffet, a pleasant surprise for most, isn’t fully appreciated by the Boxes who have packed their own lunch. They just want the party to be over so they can return to their routine.

      The Squiggles?! SHINE! They love surprise parties–anything to disrupt the monotony of another day in the office. They’ll flit from table-to-table, chat with everyone, and, when it’s time to go back to work, will figure out a way to keep the festivities going…into Thursday, Friday, and the weekend.

      The Triangles, ever-focused on getting tasks done, will arrive late and leave early—of course checking things off their “to do” lists coming and going. Efficient to the core, the Triangles will use this party time to speak with people about projects. They’ll figure out a way to keep working.

      The Circles, only slightly perturbed they weren’t consulted to help plan the party, will play hostess to all those around them. They’ll show smiling faces to the presenters and clap loudly in the appropriate places. They’ll make sure everyone gets seconds, help pack the left-overs, and send everyone off with a hug. They’ll spend the rest of their work day sharing stories about the other people at the picnic.

      Surprise parties? Great for Squiggles and Circles. Triangles appreciate them occasionally. Boxes…not so much.